here we go for the 100th time, going out of my fkn mind .. 

I lie here in what feels like a million miles away. It’s cold and even though I am surrounded by love I am lonely. They say that time heals all wounds … but I’m done waiting. We spend our lives waiting, waiting for something to happen, that one big thing – reborn into what- rediscovering the person you thought you were when you were 27 – trying to relive, replay, outwit and outsmart our minds. Trying not to focus on the shit we get sucked into. Lives collide some snatch parts of us and peel away the scares only to … Continue reading here we go for the 100th time, going out of my fkn mind .. 

Sometimes darkness can be chased… All we need is a deep sense of adventure… 

I’m so tiered of hearing the words “let it go” What if i want to hold onto it and never ever let it go? What if i know, I’ll never ever feel the same I do right now ever again in my entire life. What if letting go meant giving up, surrendering your desire for what your heart beats for? The very core of where the most intense feelings grow from? You can find a new way of letting the light back into your life. A New way of life. What do you do when another person makes you feel … Continue reading Sometimes darkness can be chased… All we need is a deep sense of adventure… 

before this ….. after this… during this, surviving this…

🌿starting to show…. yesterday today tomorrow fade away like frozen photographs rememer forgrt the mistakes the ways you take the ways you make the moments pass tell a beuatiful lie in the blink of an eye everyhing left you changed its a beautiful lie if you think that every thing will stay the same …  Where the streets have clouds. Where the roads lead to happiness. Where the people walk to get someplace that makes them smile. Where cars go by to get somewhere for the first time. Make every day count. Do that one thing you’ve been wanting to … Continue reading before this ….. after this… during this, surviving this…

here she writes …

always messy always mind …  elusive rabit holes intwined in the depth of my mind. here she writes.  I look back over some of my posts and I actually feel like I’m reading words written by someone else. Someone strong.  Someone brave. Someone relentless in their pursuit of a happy life.  The last few weeks have been filled with more of everything I’ve ever experianced. my mind is afraid of the road ahead.  it’s.just.al ….. it’s never been it’s.just.al though …. it’s been it’s.just.al and her cool kids. #alscoolkids MOM first. me later.  God first. Mom. then Al…  Al chasinglight … Continue reading here she writes …

Sunday bloody Sunday… 

Sitting in Church on a Sunday, wanting a word. Needing a sign. Feeling the Holy Spirit as I lift my hands in praise. God is a God of Love. ​I don’t need anyone to love me … God’s love should be sufficient… the more you get to know him the more you love him … The holy spirit bring s revelation John 14 … Father is mentioned 23 times … Holy spirit leads us into truth 1 kings chap 19 v 18 Mary’s house acts chap 12 v 1 Where do you go in times of need The light of … Continue reading Sunday bloody Sunday… 

The pursuit of happiness 

I used to feel the words of florence and the machine … he used to take me to the river where he slowly let me drown.  For so long it felt like i was drowning… walking deep into the ocean of my darkness. Down the elusive rabbit hole. My mind a mess with what ifs and why’s.  Why would a man who claims to love his wife and children hurt them with lies. Why a million why’s so many stories. So many questions left. A life I used to live.  Not the life i live now. Yesterday i did something … Continue reading The pursuit of happiness 

Weekend tunes ….. 

Forgive, sounds good…..  Forget, I’m not sure I could They say time heals everything But I’m still waiting I’m through with doubt There’s nothing left for me to figure out I’ve paid a price, and I’ll keep paying I’m not … Continue reading Weekend tunes …..