He took me to the water where he slowly let me drown … 

You wake up one day and more than anything you know that you are infinity and most unequivocally not the same person you were the day before. 

I think as a woman we have to go through some spiritual metamorphasis to shed off what was once holding us back. Not in the sence that I am free now to go out and become a rocket scientist… I am still me. I’m just a better version of the me I was yesterday, purely because I no longer need your acceptance to make me feel like I am important enough to exist on the same planet as every other human inhabbiting this round ball we call earth. 

I used to dislike sleeping … always felt like I’d miss out on the day, i never understood why people would sleep all morning … i still dont sleep all morning, ive been chasing the dawn for many years. There really is something special getting to watch the sun rise as she gifts us with her golden rays and everything is peaceful and quiet. Like I am the only soul awake…. 

The city sleeps the birds awake

Its the most magnificent part of the day. 

The last few days I find i am needing sleep more… perhaps to escape. What dreams may come encompass the thoughts in my mind. 

An old friend said to me today … i am just a grey ghost… i have guns in my head. Its terrifying how what we become subjected to in our lifes becomes our lives.

Years of abuse. Being married to a heavy drinking narcisist became my life. 

Boys  go to war and come back men that have seen too much that boys should not have seen. Girls become woman in marriages where they are treated with little respect are slapped and pushed and hit to the ground, they bleed they bruise they hide. They are girls who become woman who think that it’s ok … 

There seems to be more war in the homes that the men at war are meant to be protecting. 

Im feeling tiered today. 

I want my divorce to end now. 2 years and 2 months ….. why? 

Spirits in my head and they wont go …. guns in my head and they wont go .

Let me breathe it out… all of this shit in my head. 

I’m someone new. 


#divorce #dreams #narcissists #battle #abuse #sleep #new #holdingback #spirits #love #hate #abusive #nomore #thisisitsjustal #alsgettingdivorced #fuckit 


3 thoughts on “Sleep…

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